A Word of Advice...

Okay, before reading this, read the previous post I wrote a few hours ago today. I couldn't resist but to write about this bath experience.
How it was described: a pristine, beautiful facility overlooking the ocean where you enjoy a sauna, full body wrap and massage.
Reality: We jumped in a taksi at around 8pm, excited for an evening of pampering. After weaving through the streets of Istanbul and a couple of close calls, we rock up at the Turkish Bath.. some sketchball looking entrance in a rather dingy alleyway. Jess and I reason that Bre reccommended it so it must be good. We enter the Bath and the tacky Turkish couches are the first thing I see. Old floral velvet things that look old and worn out. Around the walls of the room are changerooms with clear glass windows (not sure then the point of having a room?). Again, we tell ourselves that this is just the outer area and surely the bath would be beautiful. We get changed into our swimmers and are led into the bath by a short and unkempt Turkish woman. It didn't quite smell like a sewer, but it wasn't far off either... We went into the bath and there were two of the saggiest fat women I have seen in nothing but their underwear washing themselves. The room is tiled with marble that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a while and "sinks" with running water. If I could use one word to describe the room it would be: dingy. We were shooed over to a basin each and given some makeshift tupperware container and told to "wash", i.e. pour disgusting water all over ourselves.
Round 1: The saggy woman with underwear hanging halfway off of her ass slaps the marble tile in the center of the room and points at me. I almost died. Jess and I were trying not to be absolutely hysterical with laughter because we were so traumatised we didn't know what else to do. The woman had me lie down on the tile and proceeded to take off my bathing suit top, though I resisted. She then took out some scrub that she scoured over my body and it felt like a layer of skin was being rubber off. And she scrubbed EVERYWHERE. She had me sit up and she scrubbed my arms, my hands kept hitting her free-flapping breasts the whole time. I almost vomited. I just had to not look and put my mind in another place and try and get through it. She sent me back to the washing station while Jess had her turn.
Round 2: Woman called me back over. I timidly walked in the disease-infested sandals they gave us, in high anticipation for what might be next. She pulled my top off again and took out the next 'tool'. One of those exfoliating 'puffs', only you could barely tell that it originally was one because it was so old and worn out. She lathered it up and rubbed some generic, sick-smelling soap all over me and then massaged vigourously, instilling pain, over every part of the body. Then she had me roll over onto my back and she rubbed her hands all over my chest and right up my legs (right up). She then had me sit to wash my arms and when she finished I thought prayed that it was over. I was then hit in the face with the same dirty puff, soap suds in my eyes, mouth all over as the woman basically tried to scrub my face off. THen she splooshed a giant bucket of water over me and it was done. Jess had to go second.
There is more, the sauna was less traumatising, but we seriously had one of the worst experiences ever. ON our way out of the bath a cockroach scurried down the wall..
I would like to say that I know of people who have had positive experiences at Turkish baths and I am not trying to insult the tradition, but if you're in Istanbul, never go to this one, the "HIstorical Nisanci Bath".. I hope I can sleep tonight... stay tuned for more fabulous adventures! I need a drink..